Below are some of the best local and national grief resources we have come across in the industry, there is something for everyone. COPE is locally based and has local bereavement events to attend where as Whats Your Grief and Modern Loss deal with grief in creative, modern and practical ways for anyone experiencing any kind of grief. They all have extensive off and online resources on their sites, we encourage you to sign up for their newsletters and explore their sites and blogs and even classes. Check back here regularly for updates and new resources to explore.
Modern Loss is a place to share the unspeakably taboo, unbelievably hilarious, and unexpectedly beautiful terrain of navigating your life after a death. Beginners welcome. This project grew out of two friends’ separate experiences with sudden loss, and their struggle to find resources that weren’t too clinical, overtly religious, patronizing or, frankly, cheesy.
Allison Gilbert is an Emmy award-winning journalist and one of the most thought-provoking and influential writers on grief and resilience. The author of numerous books including the groundbreaking, Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive, her stirring work exposes the secret and essential factor for harnessing loss to drive happiness and rebound from adversity. Her website is an amazing resource for all subject pertaining to grief.
Mesothelioma Hub is a helpful source for the latest information about mesothelioma and other asbestos-related illnesses. Their mission is simple: to connect mesothelioma patients and their families with the educational, medical, grief and legal resources they need.
COPE is a non profit grief and healing organization dedicated to helping parents and families living
with the loss of a child.
Two fantastic mental heath professionals with 20+ years of grief and bereavement experience have teamed up to create an extensively awesome website filled with grief education, exploration and expression both in practical and in creative ways, for every person and media choice. Please explore their incredible site and sign up for their weekly email.
Helping Someone Through Grief
Learning how to support a grieving person can seem confusing and complicated, but it isn’t impossible. Below are several suggestions on how you can help. However, please remember that everyone responds to death differently. Use this as a guide as you support the person you’re comforting.
How should I approach someone who is grieving?
People facing loss often find it comforting to have their experience validated. Grief is layered with endless paperwork, varying emotions, and sometimes disbelief. Acknowledging the person’s pain and offering them the opportunity to talk about their loss can be comforting.
This may seem counterintuitive because we might fear doing this will make them feel worse. However, many people are already mindful of their loss. As grievers sometimes say, “You can’t remind me of my loss. I’m already thinking about it.”
Speaking about what hurts, feels difficult, or even sharing a joyful memory allows for healing and community. Pushing people to “be happy” and “positive” during a time of deep loss interrupts the natural grieving process and can lead to greater suffering.
Validating a person’s grief experience can sound like:
- This is hard.
- Grieving the future you imagined with them is difficult.
- I’m here to sit with you in this and to listen.
- It’s okay to not be okay right now.
- Take each day one minute at a time.
- I have a personal experience with loss if you’d ever like me to share it.
What actions can I take to support a person through loss?
- Sit with them and actively listen: One of the greatest ways to support someone surviving loss is by showing up and listening. You may not have all the right words to say, and that’s okay. Listening to them express their grief, tell stories about their loved one, or engage in conversation is helpful. If the conversation goes quiet, that’s fine too. Your presence is good enough.
- Help them study, or remind them of important stuff: For some people, grief impacts memory, reading concentration, and focus. The person you are supporting already has so much on their mind concerning the death of their loved one and their life without them. Providing gentle reminders or helping them focus in small ways can feel mentally supportive.
- Invite them to the gym, yoga, or a walk: Getting movement is therapeutic and helps reduce the buildup of stress in the body. This can help bring ease to the person whose body is carrying the physical weight of loss. Taking a walk at the park and being in nature is another way to calm the mind and body too.
- Offer to help with their children: Everyone is different when it comes to their kids. Some people may want help. Others may decline the offer. A few suggestions can be showing up to a child’s sports game or dance recital. For children who have lost a family member, you showing up offers extra support. You may also volunteer to pick up their kids one day, watch them for a few hours, or assist in other ways.
- Save important dates in your phone: Mark your phone calendar for when their person’s birthday is, a wedding or relationship anniversary, or the day their loved one died. These dates tend to feel extra heavy and forgotten. Sending a short text message or call (leave a voicemail) on these dates shows you care and took time to remember. After the first year or two, ask if the person wants this form of continued support.
- Offer to do household tasks: Doing things around the house can take a load off a grieving person. This can be bringing your neighbors trash cans into the yard, mowing the lawn, helping to clean, or mailing a package. Sometimes, people move after the death of a family member. Offering to help pack or unpack can be helpful too.
The death of a person or pet can be difficult on anyone and can feel disorientating for months, sometimes years, to come. Having people who support them in and remember them in their time of need can feel encouraging, comforting, and be received as acts of kindness.
By Ashley Ormon
